Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
