I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
