I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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