I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
