Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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