Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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