Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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