wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The power of my boobs compel you
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
