the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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