Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
