Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
