he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
