my phone needs a breathalizer
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
