You're completely useless in the revolution.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
