Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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