South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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