im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
