i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
