from now on my penis is your penis
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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