so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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