What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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