Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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