Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize