Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
