also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
