Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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