You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
