Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
