I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
