I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize