saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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