Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
