How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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