Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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