when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
