Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
