since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
