the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
