Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
