Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
