Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
