am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
