Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
