Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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