didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
