Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
did i just pee glitter
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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