i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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