I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
