That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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