she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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