you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
that is very illegal...i love you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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