im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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