just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
