got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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