if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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