Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
