I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
