Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
