...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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