I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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