My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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