I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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