I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
