shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
