first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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