I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
