Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
