Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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