i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
