She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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