Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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