hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
