girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
