These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
