apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
