YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
