I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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