i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
