i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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