I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
