they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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