turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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