Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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