HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
