What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
